Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dating Advice from Culture's Biggest Strikeouts 2

Tonight we examine the case of Beast from "Beauty and the Beast." Some may argue that he is not a cultural strikeout and he in fact gets the girl. I feel that regardless of this for the most part Beast was a strike out from the get go and although his strategy eventually worked for him it was hit or miss there for a while.

Let's look at his methods:

1) Abuse the elderly.
It may seem like a poor move like giving up a piece in chess but for this prince "charming" isn't central to his style.

2) Don't date till you are absolutely desperate.
See the beast hid himself away getting more and more bitter just waiting for his rose to go out and it wasn't until chance and desperation got together that he swung for the fences and brought home our beauty.

3) Over react to about everything.
Trespassers: Throw them in the dungeon!
Enter the East wing: GET OUT!
Girl leaves him: Lock oneself in the tower and become emo... I mean give up on love.

4) Dance. It's good and it works.

Now the final pieces of the puzzle where the Beast ends up succeeding:

5) Kick the girl out.

6) Let the villagers come to kill you.

7) Kill local hero.
Sure Gaston was a jerk to Belle but everyone else seemed to love him.

8) Die.
Bold move by any account.

9) Get the girl.
Somewhere between death and love the beast should have been a lost cause. But because he abused the elderly decades ago he gets the opportunity to marry the most beautiful girl in town and he does.

This is a questionable method and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone because you really need a magical curse to turn blessing and they are not a dime a dozen.

I hope you have learned something valuable about dating from the Beast.

Patman the Well-informed.

PS - I should have mentioned that the Beast also takes advantage of his friends and co-workers involving them in his curse. Again not the best strategy but very popular by today's dating standards.