Thursday, December 24, 2009

Dating Advice form Culture's Biggest Strikeouts: Christmas Edition

Well the goose is not only getting fat but is now quite fat indeed. For that reason Christmas is known to have arrived. With Christmas Eve my family sits to watch the beloved classic "Muppet's Christmas Carol" and so we sat tonight. Lo and behold my sister recommended Scrooge as a contender from which we could derive bad dating advice. Thus I reflect:

Scrooge is an odd person who seems to fail at much more than dating. From those habits and his brief relationship with Ann (or Egg or whatever her name was) let's pick up how not to pick up.

1. Hate everything
A rough starting ground but sure to give off that 'bad boy' vibe I hear is so popular with the ladies.

2. Ignore charity
Nothing says weakness like giving to the poor and women like strong men.

3. Seek the counsel of ghosts
This works for Scrooge and he does become a better person. But from what I can tell only desperate people take the counsel of ghosts and when you hit rock bottom looking for a girlfriend is low priority. Scrooge's priority: coal consumption.

4. When you are in a frank discussion about your relationship and how unfeeling you are... abruptly shove an expensive gift in her face.
Arguments are for a moment but diamonds are forever. Am I right?

5. If your girlfriend breaks into a song about love being gone. Walk away.
Its too late and frankly she sings too much.

6. two words: Catch Phrase
The ladies eat them up. "Bah Humbug" "Bazinga" "Hammer time" The list is endless and you can't go wrong.

7. Lastly if everything has gone wrong. Scrooge recommends harboring a deep hatred for Christmas. It may not get you the girl but everyone in town will be talking about you... and popularity is the fast track to singles heaven.

Merry Christmas.

Patman the Merry

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dating Advice from Culture's Biggest Strikeouts 2

Tonight we examine the case of Beast from "Beauty and the Beast." Some may argue that he is not a cultural strikeout and he in fact gets the girl. I feel that regardless of this for the most part Beast was a strike out from the get go and although his strategy eventually worked for him it was hit or miss there for a while.

Let's look at his methods:

1) Abuse the elderly.
It may seem like a poor move like giving up a piece in chess but for this prince "charming" isn't central to his style.

2) Don't date till you are absolutely desperate.
See the beast hid himself away getting more and more bitter just waiting for his rose to go out and it wasn't until chance and desperation got together that he swung for the fences and brought home our beauty.

3) Over react to about everything.
Trespassers: Throw them in the dungeon!
Enter the East wing: GET OUT!
Girl leaves him: Lock oneself in the tower and become emo... I mean give up on love.

4) Dance. It's good and it works.

Now the final pieces of the puzzle where the Beast ends up succeeding:

5) Kick the girl out.

6) Let the villagers come to kill you.

7) Kill local hero.
Sure Gaston was a jerk to Belle but everyone else seemed to love him.

8) Die.
Bold move by any account.

9) Get the girl.
Somewhere between death and love the beast should have been a lost cause. But because he abused the elderly decades ago he gets the opportunity to marry the most beautiful girl in town and he does.

This is a questionable method and I wouldn't recommend it for anyone because you really need a magical curse to turn blessing and they are not a dime a dozen.

I hope you have learned something valuable about dating from the Beast.

Patman the Well-informed.

PS - I should have mentioned that the Beast also takes advantage of his friends and co-workers involving them in his curse. Again not the best strategy but very popular by today's dating standards.

Friday, December 11, 2009


So is a blog a long twitter or is twitter short blogging?

These are the questions of our time.

Patman the Pat

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

If Sufjan just isn't enough

I saw D. Young post this link to his brother and found the greatest culmination of free Christmas music of all varieties. Check it out. It's free!

Patman the Joyous

Sunday, December 06, 2009

I'm not sure how proud I should be of this...

I'm not sure how proud I should be of this but five years ago I was as funny as Jimmy Fallon is today.

Its been done Fallon...

Patman the better than Fallon.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Devoted #4: Citizens, families, and buildings

Eph 2:11-22 tonight.

Considered what it meant to be citizens of heaven, part of the family of God and God dwelling in us.

It seems to me this is all about identity markers. I not Canadian first I am a citizen of heaven, I am not a Sutherland first I am part of God's family, I am not my own I am God's dwelling place.

Patman the identified.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Devoted #3: For God so loved...

Given that I have maintained three days of reflection I am now an expert. A sagely guide to the spiritual. A wise-man prepared to solve all the problems one may have theologically, spiritually and relationally.

But besides that I was taken aback by another question today. I read Eph 2:1-10. And was eventually asked why does God love us so much?

Theologically I can identify lots of reasons many to do with creation (ie image of God in us, God's concern for that which he has made) and some to do with God's character (being love and all) but it doesn't always translate to my heart.

In fact when answering the question it was much easier to say why God would love everybody else rather than why God would love me. Generalizations are easy, specifications are hard.

Patman the beloved.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Devoted #2:Knowing Jesus Changes Today

So today I was looking at Ephesians 1:15-23. The challenging question for me was in light of the fact that knowing Jesus more changes the way we see things what are practical ways we can live that change?

This semester I have written, read and preached on the subject of change in light of a future hope that we have in Jesus and the resurrection. Ironically when I read this question I was taken aback by the practical element.

It is easy to glaze over the abstract and say "hope changes everything" but in concrete terms it takes more thought. In one sense as well it is easy to say "we live that expected future today" by feeding the poor, offering healing to the sick and setting captives free but again in serious question is "Today what can I do?" Or "how am I today living in hope?"

It's harder to answer I think.

I need to make the abstract practical today and allow Jesus to be invasive in what I do. (Still an abstract thought!)

Patman the Hopeful?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Devoted #1

A while back I heard Andy Crouch preach on purchases and practices at the Tyndale Faith Talks. All in all it was a fantastic argument for living a disciplined life over a quick fix life. I thought it was the most significant portrayal of why we do the spiritual disciplines.

And I did nothing in response.

I wanted to engage in a practiced life but I apparently forgot.

So I'm trying to do that now. Simply put I am devoting myself to personal study of the bible. I got this Bible Study guide that N. T. Wright put out on Ephesians and its a really easy and concrete 11 session study of Ephesians. I'm going to try to work through that. And to keep myself committed I am going to blog a reflection once a day in light of that time.

Today I was looking at Ephesians 1:1-14 and I struggled with the question: What ways is God calling me to bless others?

I was taken aback by the question because although I try to serve God, spend summers in a camp environment, and school years in seminary. But right now, this semester, I'm not sure I am actively engaged in blessing others. I do a few things here and there but I am rarely intentionally blessing others.

I can gloss over it and say that I am devoted to my studies which is preparations for blessing others but that's a bit of a cop out.

I need to think about it.

Patman the Thinker